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Spaces and exchanges/correction

Cours gratuits > Forum > Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais || En bas

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Spaces and exchanges/correction
Message de ineseda posté le 07-06-2019 à 18:56:51 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Pouvez-vous m'aider s'il vous plait et m'indiquer mes erreurs.
Merci pour vos réponses.


I'm going to talk about the notion Spaces and exchanges. First of all I will give a definition of this notion. It deals with the geographical and symbolic areas that all societies occupy and the interractions between men and different societies. To illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about Mexican immigration to the USA, through 3 documents. The fisrt document is an extrart from the novel Texas written by James Michener, the second document is a cartoon about menial job done by Mexican migrant and the last document is a picture of a street artwork made by JR a French artist. We can wonder what is the relation between the Mexican migrants and the Unites States ?

The first document is an extract from the novel Texas written by James Michener. It is the story of two Mexican siblings Manuela and Candido, who decided to migrate illegally to the USA. They are with other Mexicans, they cross the Rio Grande and pay two smugglers to cross the border. During the trip, the smugglers tell all the Mexicans to get off the truck they are in, so they can fix it. The Mexicans obey because they are gullible. However they fall into a trap as it's a fake breakdown and the smugglers take off. The Mexicans are finally stranded in the desert without food and water. Many of them die in awful circumstances. They can't go to the police as they are illegal migrants, they could be arrested and deported. At the end of the trip the only survivor is Candido. This text shows us at the same time the determination of Mexican migrants who want to cross the border at all costs and have to bear difficulties, and also the cruelty of the smugglers who take advantage of them. It illustrates the situation of a lot of migrants who have to cross illegally the border and to face harsh and dangerous conditions to enter in the USA. It aslo shows that the future live in the USA of the migrants represent a lot for them. They go through terrible things and risk their life. It could also denounce the fact that migrants are given any help. The narrator sides with the Mexican migrants when he depicts them in a sympathetic light as they painfully die of thirst in the desert after being stranded by the heartless smugglers.

The second document is a cartoon called The other side of the coin, which falls into 6 parts. In the 5 fisrt parts we can see Mexican migrants doing menial and unskilled job. There are a cleaner, a dish washer, a fruit picker, a butcher, and a gardener. They all do tyring, dangerous or uncomfortable job. It is written «I'm just doing the job you won't do». It shows that Mexican migrants (and migrants in general) have to do all the menial jobs that American people wouldn't do. It illustrates the place Mexican people are given in the American society and the work conditions they have to bear to live. In the final frame we can see two caracters, an Arizona state police officer and Uncle Sam, who is the symbol of the USA. Uncle Sam is holding a federal lawsuit to stop Arizona from carrying out spot checks on people of Mexican origin to verify their immigration status. Arizona is one of the fisrt region of immigration for Mexican people, and the federal law predominate over the national laws. The association ACLU (for civil rights movement) protested about Arizona applying a discriminative and unconstitutional law. As a result the law was withdrawn by the federal government. This cartoon illustrates that even the law can be discriminative, and can constitute an obstacle for the immigrants. It illustrates the way some people are opposed to immigration and want to regulate it, sometimes with controversial ways.

The third document is a picture of a street artwork made by JR, a French artist. We can see a photo collage of a Mexican baby aged of 1 and named Kikito. The baby is looking over a border wall between Mexico and the USA, near the city of Tijuana. He is in the Mexican side and look at the American side. But the point of view is important and can change the way we see the artwork. When we are in the American side we see a baby looking over the wall, and when we are in the Mexican side the baby is just looking ahead. We can see an American police officer looking at the artwork. In fact JR had to do this in the Mexican side because he was forbidden by the American authorities to do it in the American side. A Mexican family lead him their garden to do it and one of the family's member, Kikito finally posed for the artist. JR said that the artwork doesn't have a precise signification but that it was made to make people think and discuss, so everyone can have their personnal interpretation. To my mind, I think this picture can represent the Mexican American relations about immigration issues. The Mexican baby looking over the border can represent the Mexican people attracted by the USA, the border is like an obstacle, a symbolic separation between the two countries and their living conditions, and the American policeman who is overseeing, represents the mistrust and the refusal to welcome Mexican people. If we stand on the Mexcian side, the fact that the baby is looking ahead can mean he is looking his future and the USA may represent his future opportunities. I think this document illustrates the different perspectives of the conflictual issue of immigration.

To conclude wa can say that the USA represent a real opportunity for the Mexican as they go through many demanding hardships. But the American life they had imagined is often just an illusion. Indeed their living conditions are nasty, and some American people are opposed to them. The massive immigration generates an increase of xenophobia and racism, and measures against migration were even taken by the government, for example the will of build a wall to stop the migrant flow.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 07-06-2019 22:09


Réponse : Spaces and exchanges/correction de gerondif, postée le 07-06-2019 à 19:03:01 (S | E)
Bonjour
erreurs en bleu
I'm going to talk (speak) about the notion Spaces and exchanges. First of all I will give a definition of this notion. It deals with the geographical and symbolic areas that all societies occupy and the interractions between men and different societies. To illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about Mexican immigration to the USA, through 3 documents. The fisrt(first) document is an extrart (extract) from the novel Texas written by James Michener, the second document is a cartoon about menial job done by Mexican migrant and the last document is a picture of a street artwork made by JR a French artist. We can wonder what is the relation(en style indirect, pas d'inversion is passe derrière son sujet) between the Mexican migrants and the Unites States ?

The first document is an extract from the novel Texas written by James Michener. It is the story of two Mexican siblings Manuela and Candido, who decided to migrate illegally to the USA. They are with other Mexicans, they cross the Rio Grande and pay two smugglers to cross the border. During the trip, the smugglers tell all the Mexicans to get off the truck they are in, so they can fix it. The Mexicans obey because they are gullible. However they fall into a trap as it's a fake breakdown and the smugglers take off. The Mexicans are finally stranded in the desert without food and water. Many of them die in awful circumstances. They can't go to the police as they are illegal migrants, they could be arrested and deported. At the end of the trip the only survivor is Candido. This text shows us at the same time the determination of Mexican migrants who want to cross the border at all costs and have to bear difficulties, and also the cruelty of the smugglers who take advantage of them. It illustrates the situation of a lot of migrants who have to cross illegally the border(mettez l'adverbe derrièe border) and to face harsh and dangerous conditions to enter in(enter est transitif direct) the USA. It aslo(also) shows that the future live in the USA of the migrants (ce serait mieux avec un cas possessif : the migrants' life) represent(le s du verbe ) a lot for them. They go through terrible things (un peu vague, things) and risk their life. It could (pourquoi could au conditionnel ?) also denounce the fact that migrants are given any help (soit aren't given any help, soit are given no help). The narrator sides with the Mexican migrants when he depicts them in a sympathetic light as they painfully die of thirst in the desert after being stranded by the heartless smugglers.

The second document is a cartoon called The other side of the coin, which falls (pourquoi "falls"?) into 6 parts. In the 5 fisrt parts we can see Mexican migrants doing menial and unskilled job(pluriel). There are(mettez plutôt is) a cleaner, a dish washer, a fruit picker, a butcher, and a gardener. They all do tyring, dangerous or uncomfortable job(pluriel). It is written «I'm just doing the job you won't do». It shows that Mexican migrants (and migrants in general) have to do all the menial jobs that American people wouldn't do (là, vous vous répétez ou vous prenez le correcteur pour un niais). It illustrates the place Mexican people are given in the American society and the work conditions they have to bear to live. In the final frame we can see two characters, an Arizona state police officer and Uncle Sam, who is the symbol of the USA. Uncle Sam is holding a federal lawsuit to stop Arizona from carrying out spot checks on people of Mexican origin to verify their immigration status. Arizona is one of the fisrt region of immigration for Mexican people, and the federal law predominate (le s du présent) over the national laws. The association ACLU (inversez)(for civil rights movement) protested about Arizona applying a discriminative and unconstitutional law. As a result the law was withdrawn by the federal government. This cartoon illustrates that even the law can be discriminative, and can constitute an obstacle for the immigrants. It illustrates the way some people are opposed to immigration and want to regulate it, sometimes with controversial ways.

The third document is a picture of a street art work made by JR, a French artist. We can see a photo collage of a Mexican baby aged of(à ôter) 1 and named Kikito. The baby is looking over a border wall between Mexico and the USA, near the city of Tijuana. He is in(on) the Mexican side and look(le s du présent!!!) at the American side. But the point of view is important and can change the way we see the artwork. When we are in the American side we see a baby looking over the wall, and when we are in the Mexican side the baby is just looking ahead. We can see an American police officer looking at the artwork. In fact JR had to do this in the Mexican side because he was forbidden by the American authorities to do it in the American side. A Mexican family lead(plutôt lent, lui prêta) him their garden to do it and one of the family's member(pluriel), Kikito finally posed for the artist. JR said that the artwork doesn't have a precise signification but that it was made to make people think and discuss (bizarre sans complément), so everyone can have their personnal interpretation. To my mind, I think this picture can represent the Mexican American relations about immigration issues. The Mexican baby looking over the border can represent the Mexican people attracted by the USA, the border is like an obstacle, a symbolic separation between the two countries and their living conditions, and the American policeman who is overseeing, represents the mistrust and the refusal to welcome Mexican people. If we stand on the Mexcian side, the fact that the baby is looking ahead can mean he is looking at his future and the USA may represent his future opportunities. I think this document illustrates the different perspectives of the conflictual issue of immigration.

To conclude we can say that the USA represent a real opportunity for the Mexican as they go through many demanding hardships. But the American life they had imagined is often just an illusion. Indeed their living conditions are nasty, and some American people are opposed to them. The massive immigration generates an increase of xenophobia and racism, and measures against migration were even taken by the government, for example the will of(to) build a wall to stop the migrant flow.



Réponse : Spaces and exchanges/correction de here4u, postée le 08-06-2019 à 10:37:49 (S | E)
Hello!

Tout d'abord, cette "synthèse" est beaucoup trop longue ! Aucune chance d'arriver au bout ! Il est clair que votre interlocuteur aura interrompu votre développement avant la fin surtout si vous l'apprenez "par coeur" (ce qui se "sent" toujours !) ...
Deux remarques ... Vous pouvez le lasser et lui faire "relâcher" son attention (il laissera passer quelques "slips" ... )mais vous pouvez aussi l'irriter et ce serait dommage car ce que vous dites est assez intéressant ... mais 10 minutes pas plus pour cette partie !
Vous pouvez surtout provoquer la prise de parole anticipée de votre examinateur qui risque de vous emmener là où vous n'aviez pas imaginé aller ... Dans tous les cas, vous risquez de ressortir "frustrée" d'avoir oublié ce qui vous semblera (alors ...) de la plus haute importance ... Cette épreuve est conçue pour établir un dialogue authentique ... et tout rédiger n'est pas le meilleur moyen d'y parvenir !

I'm going to talk about the notion "Spaces and exchanges". First of all I will give a definition of this notion. It deals with the geographical and symbolic areas that all societies occupy and the interractions between men and different societies. To illustrate this notion I have chosen to talk about Mexican immigration to the USA, through 3 documents. The fisrt document is an extrart from the novel Texas written by James Michener, the second document is a cartoon about menial job (plural required) done by Mexican migrant (idem)and the last document is a picture of a street artwork made by JR, a French artist. We can wonder what is the relation between the Mexican migrants and the Unites States ? (interrogative indirecte mal construite !)

The first document is an extract from the novel Texas, written by James Michener. It is the story of two Mexican siblings Manuela and Candido, who decided to migrate illegally to the USA. They are with other Mexicans, they cross the Rio Grande and pay two smugglers to cross the border. During the trip, the smugglers tell all the Mexicans to get off the truck they are in, so they can fix it. The Mexicans obey because they are gullible. However they fall into a trap as it's a fake breakdown and the smugglers take off. The Mexicans are finally stranded in the desert without food and water. Many of them die in awful circumstances. They can't go to the police as they are illegal migrants, they could be arrested and deported. At the end of the trip the only survivor is Candido. This text shows us at the same time the determination of Mexican migrants who want to cross the border at all costs and have to bear difficulties, and also the cruelty of the smugglers who take advantage of them. It illustrates the situation of a lot of migrants who have to cross illegally the border (word order!) and to face harsh and dangerous conditions to enter in the USA. It aslo shows that the future live in the USA of the migrants represent a lot for them.(revoir toute la construction !) They go through terrible things and risk their life. It could also denounce the fact that migrants are given any (no?)help. The narrator sides with the Mexican migrants when he depicts them in a sympathetic light as they painfully die of thirst in the desert after being stranded by the heartless smugglers.

The second document is a cartoon called The other side of the coin, which falls into 6 parts. In the 5 fisrt(WORD ORDER!) parts we can see Mexican migrants doing menial and unskilled job. There are clumsy!) a cleaner, a dish washer, a fruit picker, a butcher, and a gardener. They all do tyring, dangerous or uncomfortable job. It is written «I'm just doing the job you won't do». It shows that Mexican migrants (and migrants in general) have to do all the menial jobs that American people wouldn't do. It illustrates the place Mexican people are given in the American society and the work conditions they have to bear to live. In the final frame we can see two caracters, an Arizona state police officer and Uncle Sam, who is the symbol of the USA. Uncle Sam is holding a federal lawsuit to stop Arizona from carrying out spot checks on people of Mexican origin to verify their immigration status. Arizona is one of the fisrt region of immigration for Mexican people, and the federal lawS predominate over the national laws. The association ACLU (for civil rights movement)(Lien internet
protested about Arizona applying a discriminative and unconstitutional law. As a result the law was withdrawn by the federal government. This cartoon illustrates that even the law can be discriminative, and can constitute an obstacle for the immigrants. It illustrates the way some people are opposed to immigration and want to regulate it, sometimes with controversial ways.

The third document is a picture of a street artwork made by JR, a French artist. We can see a photo collage of a Mexican baby aged of 1 and named Kikito. The baby is looking over a border wall between Mexico and the USA, near the city of Tijuana. He is in the Mexican side and look(aspect en ing) at the American side. But the point of view is important and can change the way we see the artwork. When we are in the American side we see a baby looking over the wall, and when we are in the Mexican side, the baby is just looking ahead. We can see an American police officer looking at the artwork. In fact JR had to do this in the Mexican side because he was forbidden by the American authorities to do it in the American side. A Mexican family lead (verb AND tense) him their garden to do it and one of the family's member, Kikito finally posed for the artist. JR said that the artwork doesn't have a precise signification but that it was made to make people think and discuss, so everyone can have their personnal interpretation. To my mind, I think this picture can represent the Mexican American relations about immigration issues. The Mexican baby looking over the border can represent the Mexican people attracted by the USA, the border is like an obstacle, a symbolic separation between the two countries and their living conditions, and the American policeman who is overseeing, represents the mistrust and the refusal to welcome Mexican people. If we stand on the Mexcian side, the fact that the baby is looking ahead can mean he is looking his future and the USA may represent his future opportunities. I think this document illustrates the different perspectives of the conflictual issue of immigration.

To conclude wa can say that the USA represent a real opportunity for the Mexican as they go through many demanding hardships. But the American life they had imagined is often just an illusion. Indeed their living conditions are nasty, and some American people are opposed to them. The massive immigration generates an increase of xenophobia and racism, and measures against migration were even taken by the government, for example the will of build a wall to stop the migrant flow.





Réponse : Spaces and exchanges/correction de ineseda, postée le 08-06-2019 à 15:26:59 (S | E)
Hello ! Merci beaucoup pour vos corrections !

here4u : Concernant la longueur, je sais que ma notion est assez longue, je voulais faire quelque chose de complet pour ensuite couper certaines parties (c'est vrai que ce serait dommage de pas avoir le temps de tout dire ...) Je vous rassure je n'ai pas prévu de tout apprendre par cœur, c'est plus pour avoir une base et ne pas oublier les éléments importants. Je ne suis pas très sûre de ma problématique, qu'en pensez-vous ?
Merci encore pour votre correction !



Réponse : Spaces and exchanges/correction de here4u, postée le 09-06-2019 à 00:10:15 (S | E)
Hello !

A la lecture cursive, je n’ai pas ressenti de réelle problématique ( = une QUESTION) , nettement posée en introduction et qui aurait une réponse et une ouverture en fin de réflexion ... A mon avis, c’est une faiblesse car une synthèse doit mélanger les documents référents, en les utilisant par thèmes et pas les résumer les uns après les autres ... mais les documents semblent bien connus, et bien exploités, et c’est déjà important !



Réponse : Spaces and exchanges/correction de ineseda, postée le 09-06-2019 à 19:54:01 (S | E)
Oui c'est ça le problème, je n'arrive pas à trouver une réelle question pour guider le développement...
En tout cas merci beaucoup pour votre aide !




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